The Tale of the Worthless Princess

[bungakertas]

Rating: PG
Warning(s): none
Pairing(s): none
Summary: A dragon has kidnapped a princess. The kidnapping went off without problems, but... It's been a month and no one's come to ransom her.
Author's Notes: A response to this prompt.

IDK, folks, this one's a weird one. Have fun!

*~*~*

As dragonish plans went, the first part had gone off without a hitch. Storm the castle, snatch the princess, steal away, easy peasy. Princess installed in dragon fortress in mountains, ransom note sent off to the king… All simple. No problem.

The ransom itself was fairly straightforward, too. Nothing elaborate, just the usual stuff. Pay a two percent fee on yearly GDP (as calculated by the dragon, of course, he was nobody's fool), and the princess is returned safe and sound. Fail to pay up, she doesn't come back. All according to plan, except for one minor, tiny, insignificant detail.

No tribute wagon full of treasure had turned up and neither had any upstart knights looking to get themselves broiled in their own armor.

It had been a month.

Not that he minded having the princess stay with him, really. She was a nice sort, as humans went. Quiet, unassuming, oddly…capable, considering her rank. She could embroider, of course, and played the harp beautifully. But she also had done some basic repairs on portions of his lair that had fallen into disrepair. That crooked door leading into the treasure room was not crooked anymore, and the hinges swung soundlessly instead of squeaking. His horses were getting some more regular exercise and attention, which saved him the trouble of trying not to scare them into running themselves ragged just to muck out their stalls. She even cooked her own meals and was trying to make things for him too. Human and draconic diets weren't entirely compatible, but she always asked if he wanted anything that she'd made, and she had started making more of the things he'd nibbled on.

She could read, and had been raiding his library, even. Ordinarily, this bothered him to have items in his hoard handled by anyone else, but she was extremely scrupulous about returning the books to exactly the spot she'd gotten them from, so it was more like she was…admiring the books. Which, really, he felt was quite polite.

Despite fixing the door (a feat he was vaguely baffled by, considering it weighed about a hundred times what she did), she had never actually entered his main hoard. The one where he kept what humans would consider "treasure," like gold and jewels and such. She'd walked past several times when he could see her, somehow conducted the entire repair of the entrance without him seeing any part of her work (genuinely, he was utterly perplexed as to how), but never set even a toe inside.

On the whole, she was quite his favorite of all the princesses he'd encountered. Out of that number, he’d only ever kidnapped three, and the other two had spent the whole time weeping before they were ransomed, so she was easily a better guest than them.

Finally, he decided to address the subject point-blank and informed her over breakfast that he was confused no one had come for her.

She flinched, where she was tending to the fire in the kitchen. "No. I don't think anyone is likely to come."

The dragon scowled. He was with her in the kitchen, in what she termed his "human form" (the name made him laugh and he didn't bother explaining all the various magicks that were at work and how he really, definitely, was absolutely not human at all regardless of whether his wings were visible or not), and he sat down at one of the stools to think about how to ask what he was trying to ask. "At this point, I'm afraid I have to agree. If some response were going to be made, we'd have had at least a letter by now."

She was shaking from head to toe, but she looked at him, clearly fighting for calm. She was terrified. Of him. He wasn't entirely sure why, so he made sure to remain quite still. And he noted that despite her obvious terror, she had clearly decided to face up to him politely anyway. It was very brave.

"How long will you give me, then? Before you eat me?"

The statement caught him so off-guard that he blurted out his first reaction. "I never eat humans unless they attack me first."

"You aren't going to eat me?"

"No, of course not."

She collapsed to the floor.

He rushed over and caught her shoulders. "Are you all right?"

"I was so afraid you would figure out they didn't want me back before I could make you like me enough not to kill me," she confessed. Then winced.

The dragon blinked. "Well, that explains why you've been slaving away at all the chores. I do appreciate it all, by the way, but I was never going to hurt you. Not at all. You're quite safe."

"Do you promise?"

"I swear it on Sir George himself."

She gave him a bemused look.

"There. Let me help you stand again, you can take a moment to recover yourself, and then we'll talk some more." He stood, then tugged her to her feet and steered her to a stool of her own. Then he tugged the breakfast she'd been working on from the oven—it would be quite ruined, of course, but that was a small matter—and then sat back down and waited for a few moments while she caught her breath.

"You didn't expect anyone to come? And you were afraid I would realize it faster than I did?" the dragon said after a moment.

"Yes," she replied.

"Why did you expect no one?"

She looked almost relieved at that question. "Mostly because I'm not very pretty."

The dragon scowled again. This princess did have a way of catching him very off-guard. "Are you not?"

"No. I'm quite…plain, I believe, is the polite term. You don't think so?"

"Humans are humans. You are all fair as all God's creations, but…no. I do not notice which ones are pretty or ugly amongst you as you would mark it."

"Oh. Well, that is a relief, I suppose. In any case, my mother was quite a beauty, and my three sisters also. I'm the oldest of my siblings, you see."

He did not see why that was relevant at all, but decided not to interrupt.

"So, I was a terrible disappointment when I was born, of course. But my brother came next to be the heir, then three more daughters who were all perfect beauties, and then my youngest brother, for a back up heir," she explained.

Only boys could be kings, the dragon remembered. In fact, they had not had a queen in that realm for a very long time, he realized.

"What difference does it make if you are pretty or not? You're very intelligent, and a tireless worker, you can hold a conversation, and you're very polite. Not to mention that, when you thought I would hurt you, you plotted a way to manipulate me not to and you were carrying it out. And I have no doubt you have been exploring ways to escape?"

She blushed. "Well…I am your prisoner," she said.

"Yes, of course, attempts at escape are to be expected, I would never fault you for that. The point is you're very brave, and you've been quite calm at facing up to what is a much more frightening situation for you than I had intended it to be. I do apologize for scaring you, by the by. Quite sincerely. That was not my design."

"Oh. Well, thank you."

"But you have a good many interesting virtues. What difference does it make if you're pretty or not? Who would care?"

She huffed. "Everyone. My father. My mother. All the nobles. Not even a knight would have me. I'm useless to marry off for a political alliance because any other king would be insulted if my father offered me for one of their sons. I had hoped that I could make myself interesting so that someone in our own kingdom might not care so much I wasn't pretty, but even with any of the tradesmen, I'm afraid I just wasn't interesting enough. And, old as I am now, I'm far too old to be married off anyway. At this point, I'm afraid my mother and father has regarded me as a complete waste of effort for some years now. No doubt he was pleased when you carried me off." She sighed. “I’m afraid I am a worthless princess.”

"Feh. If a man is frightened because you are too interesting, he isn't much of a man," the dragon shrugged.

"So I used to think, but that would seem to eliminate every man that there is," she sighed.

"Perhaps—" he said, about to finish with you just haven't met the right one when he realized that would be quite a foolish comment, and one she had no doubt heard before. He paused. "Perhaps it would. But if your choices really are to hide away your true self for the sake of a man who will never know you or to simply be who you really are even if you never marry, I can't think you've chosen wrongly. In any case, since I can't return you to your kingdom, you needn't worry about what they think."

She smiled. "You can't return me?"

"They didn't pay the ransom. Obviously, I can't send you back. What kind of soft-hearted fool returns the princess when the ransom is unpaid?"

She positively beamed. "What will you do with me, then? If you will neither return me, nor eat me?"

He frowned. "To be honest, I haven't entirely decided yet. You're quite a useful guest, I must say. I'm still absolutely baffled as to how you fixed the door to my treasure room."

"Oh, that was easy. I just—oh, you mean 'how I fixed it when it's so heavy compared to me?'" she replied.

"Yes, that."

She nodded. "That is the fairy blessing, of course. A brownie, specifically."

"You have the blessing of a brownie?" the dragon asked in surprise.

"Our kingdom has close ties to the fairies. I'm sure you're aware."

The dragon elected not to tell her he had kidnapped her for precisely that reason, as he was hoping to forge a better relationship with the fairy realm by bringing her kingdom under his wing. So, instead, he just nodded.

"All our royals receive fairy blessings when we're born. And several of the noble houses close to the crown have their own blessing traditions from fairy nobles. I was blessed by a brownie. I'm quite good at fixing things that are broken, even if they're very big," she said.

"Size doesn't matter?"

"Not a bit."

"What about major repairs after a disaster? A flood or a fierce storm?" the dragon pressed.

"If I work on them, they go much faster and smoother. I can't do any magic on my own, of course. The blessing doesn't work like that. But, oh, the supplies ordered will just so happen to be exactly the amount that is needed with nothing left over. Or, by coincidence, a farmer will be visiting the city with some draft horses and be willing to help out. That sort of thing. Not magic. Just…a lot of very ordinary things will come together to make the project run much more smoothly than it could without them." She shrugged. "For your door, I had chanced to spot the mechanisms necessary to rig up a pulley that could hold its weight. Just by chance, of course, but there they were."

"A useful blessing."

"Nothing like a real brownie. They can do actual magic."

"So caring for my horses is not difficult for you?"

"No. Nor cooking."

He nodded. "I want you to rest today. Do nothing but amuse yourself, whether it is useful or not. I'll determine how to dispose of you later, as I can't keep a human princess forever. Now that you know you need not be frightened, I have no doubt you'll grow bored."

She didn't quite hide her expression at that.

The dragon threw back his head, laughing. "Bored already, is it?"

"I'm sorry!" she protested. "But it has been a month, and your library is the only diversion you have, and the books are all very dull."

The dragon shook his head. "Humans. They are all very valuable. They are part of my hoard. As are the horses. And the clothes that you cleaned from those trunks."

The princess gasped. "Your hoard? I'm sorry, I thought—"

"You've taken nothing. Indeed, you've been careful not even to disturb my things, except to admire them. You owe me no apologies."

"I know dragons are very protective of… I had thought that so long as I stayed out of the treasure room… I mean, I would never… I'm not a thief!" she finally burst out.

The dragon stood, crossed to her, and took her hands in his. "No. You are a good and honest woman, and quite the most valuable treasure in my fortress at this time. But not one I can keep. Take today and rest. We will begin deciding what to do with you tomorrow."

With that, he left her to her own devices for the day.

He did not tell her that during their conversation he had quite nearly decided what to do with her already. He talked his plan over with her the following day and after she approved, he did something that he had not done in quite sometime.

He contacted the fairies. On purpose.

While there was a certain extent to which the fairy reputation for being capricious and maliciously literal was exaggerated, they were dangerous. He, of course, was a dragon and dangerous himself, but he saw no reason to pointlessly antagonize the fairies.

The fairy ambassador arrived precisely on time, as was their way and the dragon explained what had happened.

The fairy ambassador looked confused when the dragon finished telling his tale. “You mean to tell me that a woman to whom we gave a Brownie’s blessing was snubbed by the royal family?”

The princess stepped forward and said, “I’m sure they meant no disrespect to you, Ambassador, or any fairy.”

The ambassador looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “You are good-hearted to defend them, but Brownies do not give their blessings lightly. By disrespecting you, your gift has been disrespected. Intentional or not, the slight has been made. This places you into debt against the fairies.”

The princess blanched.

“While I make no suggestions on what you should do with her family,” the dragon said, “that still leaves the question of her disposition. She cannot go home, of course. Nor do I wish to expose her to any further political mechanations.”

The ambassador looked at the princess. “You can, of course, come to my realm.”

The princess’ eyebrows flew up. “To the fairy realm? I didn’t realize humans were…suited for it.”

He smiled. “We have a number of human residents. It won’t be so difficult.”

“If you go with him, you’ll be bound to their world forever,” the dragon cautioned her. “You’ll be able to leave on trips as he does, but you’ll always have to return to the fairy realm eventually.”

She nodded.

“And of course, I’ll need your name,” the ambassador said.

“You can call her…Ruen,” the dragon told him.

They all laughed, though the princess did so a bit nervously.

“Then the choice may now be put to you.” The ambassador said. He reached a hand out to her and in it was an apple. Not too large. Unremarkable, also. An ordinary-seeming apple. “Eat it, and you’ll belong to the fairy realm. Specifically, to the fairy court. The debt will be discharged by your service to us.”

The princess reached out with a shaking hand and took it. But before she took a bite, the ambassador reached out and grasped her shoulder. “It will not be so difficult. We are not monsters and you will not be a slave. You will see.”

She nodded and took a bite.

From there, it was straightforward. Ruen left with the ambassador to the fairy realm and the dragon returned to his fortress. His little venture would likely result in closer relations with the fairy realm after all, it had cost him nothing, and he’d gotten a free repair on his door out of the bargain.

Winning Ruen’s friendship had been quite a bonus, too. Maybe she was right and she wasn’t very pretty, he was no judge of it. But he’d liked her and enjoyed her company all the same. It might be nice to visit her sometime, fairies or no fairies. They did appreciate friends keeping in touch, and he had a feeling she would too.

On the whole, he had to conclude she was not so worthless of a princess after all.

He’d moved entirely on in his mind from the whole ordeal and forgotten that he had originally kidnapped Ruen in the first place when, months later, a whole troop of knights rode up the road, eager to be broiled in their own armor, demanding to know where Princess Eadburg was. It took the dragon several moments to realize they were referring to Ruen as he had put her birth name entirely out of his mind.

Once he recalled, however, he landed on the road in front of them, absolutely not in “human form” spread his wings wide, and given the knights a toothy smile. “She is not here. You should’ve come for her sooner if you wanted her back.”

One of the knights, dressed in green, raised the visor of his helmet. “Well, where is she, then? We are charged with returning her home.”

“The fairies have reclaimed their gift. She is now in the fairy court,” the dragon told them with a lazy flip of his tail. “Seek her out there, if you wish. But remember: the fairy court has little patience with those who demand what they consider to be theirs.”

The green knight blanched. A hasty conference was held and five of the knights rode away. One remained. He had a red banner with a dragon rampant on it.

“Are you George’s get? You have his look about you,” the dragon asked curiously.

“He was…known to my great-grandmother,” the knight answered.

Known only? Interesting. One of his grandparents was born on the wrong side of the blanket, apparently.

“How do I know you are telling the truth? How do I know Eadburg is not here and you do not only lie and say she is not?” the knight asked.

“I will take your horse as forfeit and you may search my home. See for yourself,” the dragon answered.

The red knight did not look pleased, but after a moment of considering, he dismounted. The dragon assumed his two legged form and took the reigns.

“Please,” the knight said, “do my animal no disrespect. She is a brave creature and serves me faithfully. If you slaughter her, do it quickly.”

The dragon blinked. “She will live a long and healthy life in my stables. I need not eat your horse.”

He looked relieved and, after a search of the dragon’s house, admitted that the princess was indeed, not there. The dragon escorted him out and, at the gate, the red knight turned to him and said, “I’m too young for my voice to count for much, so no one listened to me when I spoke of the princess. I only encountered her a few times but, I always thought she was very interesting. I liked her quite a bit.”

The dragon smiled. “Then, so long as you are in it, your entire kingdom is not utterly worthless.”

“Will she ever return?”

“I think not. Once her debt to the fairies is discharged, if she does not stay with them, I doubt she shall ever go back to your kingdom. In any case, she has eaten fairy food. She is bound to their realm now and I have never heard of that being undone.”

The red knight made a sound of acknowledgement, and then left, making his way down the road on foot. The dragon climbed up to the high tower of his fortress to watch him go mostly out of habit. The knight had kept his word.

Several more days went by before the dragon received two letters. One from the princess, stating that she was settled in with the fairies for a term of service to the court and that she was well and safe.

The other from the red knight, stating that the king had flown into a rage when he learned his daughter was well and truly gone. Apparently the brownie who had given the blessing had come back and was asking to know why his gift had not been of greater service to the kingdom. The question had been politely put, but the brownie had left no doubt that he was furious. The king’s dismay had, equally obviously, had nothing to do with his daughter’s well-being and everything to do with the political position having an angry fairy around put him in.

“The term of my oath to this kingdom is almost up,” the red knight wrote, “and I cannot find the heart in me to swear a new one. I will take my leave of this place and seek a new home elsewhere. To that end, I ask your permission to travel through your territory peacefully.”

This request was, of course, easily granted. And the dragon mused that the next time he saw Ruen, he would put a stop to any further foolishness about being a worthless princess. After all, he had gotten a fixed door and two friends out of this venture. He began to make plans to set things in order for a visit to the fairy court. He had not seen his friend in far too long.

THE END